HIV

This afternoon we had the opportunity to visit a community for people living with HIV/AIDS. This experience has spoken to my heart and mind in so many ways. I'd like to take a minute to try and express these things in words as best as I can.

To give you some background, this community was formed as a place for those infected with HIV to live together, a place without judgment or stigma, a home. Some of the patients in this community came because they were exiled from their families or communities when they were diagnosed with HIV; others were sent here by their family when they became very ill, essentially to die. Most patients that come here do end up passing due to progression of the disease, others who recover and gain their strength back stay in the community to work and help others. These people generally do not have any other living family or can not return to their families. The members of the community receive treatment, food, and a bed all free of charge.

We began this tour by seeing the museum where the embalmed bodies of deceased HIV patients lay to rest. Each of these patients were infected by various means of transmission, ie. mother to child, sexual intercourse, unsanitary tattoos, etc. Outside of this room was an assortment of sculptures created with the use of bones from passed HIV patients. From here we moved on to visit the rooms where the very ill patients stayed, separated by males and females. Similar to many of the hospitals in Thailand these rooms were simple and contains rows of beds next to each other. Many of these patients were so frail and thin that you could visibly see their bone structure.

Going into these rooms we were offered masks to wear to protect the patients if we carried infections so it wouldn't be transmitted to them. Most of the students, including myself, were conflicted by wearing these masks. While these masks were worn for the protection of these patients there is a risk that the patients may feel that by wearing a mask we show that we fear getting infected by HIV. Each of us had to weigh the risks versus the benefits of this situation and then make our own choice. Personally, I chose to risk hurting the patients feelings and wear the mask because I did not want to risk infecting them. But this internal battle is more difficult than one would realize because we dont speak Thai and thus couldn't express the reason for the mask. We could only hope that these patients had a strong understand of their disease and knew our masks were for their own protection and not ours.

As we walked through these rooms wearing a mask and seeing patients so incredibly sick I became overcome with deep feels of sadness. In general, the people of Thailand are so gracious and accepting of everyone, whether its difference in religious beliefs or differences in gender identity. A place so different from the United States in their unquestioning mindset for people who we would classify as different. Most Thai people have this mindset, yet oddly enough there is still a strong stigma against people with HIV. A lot of this stems from the lack of understanding or education surrounding HIV infection itself, whether it be knowing how it is spread or some other reason. I suppose in some aspect it can be compared to the way HIV patients were treat in the United States 30 years ago.

Walking by each patient bed I wondered if they had a family somewhere, if that family accepted them and their disease, and if that patient was going to recover. With each patient these feelings grew inside me and took the formation of prayers and silent tears that rolled down my cheeks. I wanted to give these patients a hug and tell them that everything would be okay; but the truth is that some of those patients will die soon and I couldnt comfort them. I kept thinking that if I had just been prepared to know where we were going or what we would be doing today then I would have been able to hide my reaction from these patients. But reflecting back I think maybe it was a more valuable experience because I didnt have time to mentally prepare myself.

There are so many instances in pharmacy and really every profession that require you to be neutral in your reaction. These moments are not something you could ever know ahead of time or prepare for. As a professional you need to have the ability to somewhat remove yourself from the situation because that reaction could upset or offend a patient. It is a delicate task really, making sure that you are cautious enough to hide your reaction but still show the patient enough empathy to connect with them.

Images from this experience are something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. My thoughts are still spinning, coming from a larger family that is so supportive it difficult to even imagine being so sick and not have someone there for me. My family gives me so much strength, but most of these patients do not have that relationship and many are still strong, suffering the affects of this disease all alone. It makes me even more grateful for the support system I have but also furthers my desire to spread awareness about healthcare to communities in the United States so to prevent this in our own country. We may have come a long way with HIV/AIDS awareness but I think there is still a lot that needs to be improved in the United States.

As mentioned a large portion of the stigma in Thailand comes from the lack of education and resources about the disease. Generally speaking, in the US we have significantly easier accessibility to resources to educate ourselves on hundreds of healthcare topics. Whether these resources be online or maybe you local community pharmacist, doctor, nurse, or any other healthcare provider, the means to education are there. I think a lot of the time these resources are underutilized or used improperly by people.

I highly encourage others to use the resources available to them when it comes to healthcare. Keep in mind, that not ever source should be trusted, as there is a lot of false information posted online. It is our duty as human beings to be informed individuals and keep the planet going. These things and so much more are the values that I will carry with me in my future career.

I am exceptionally grateful for this experience and I thank anyone who has taken the time to read this post.

Until next time,
Casey